People connected with me for what it gave them and I connected for what it gave me. I had control. I had dominance. They had status by virtue of the connection. ‘It made me pathologically selfish. I saw everything and everyone in terms of what was in it for me. I barely recognized there was another side to the equation. And, to take a page from your ubiquitous math analogies, the equation was always an inequality – Ashley is greater than whomever. ‘It denied me the ability to appreciate almost everything. I had almost everything I wanted. I could do whatever I wanted. I could get almost anything I wanted and I never had to make much of an effort for any of it. How could I value anything when it came so effortlessly? ‘Look at all the work you did for me in high school and it cost me nothing. My grades cost me little effort. And all the help I got from others toward grades or whatever else I rarely even had to ask for. It was offered up on the altar of my beauty. ‘It prevented me from. “She doesn’t know who I am does she?”. “No, I didn’t give her many details, so she couldn’t have put anything together”. “I think we should break the news to her as soon as we can”, I decided. Suze agreed, so a couple of days later we were back on the flight to Dallas and then on to Austin. She had told Sarah that she didn’t need to be met, so I rented a car and we drove out to where she lived. Suze and I stood on the doorstep, and I rang the bell. The door opened, and Sarah stood there. “Hello Sarah”, I started to say, and then fortunately managed to grab Sarah as she fainted straight in front of us. We carried her into the lounge, and sat beside her as she started to come round. She was shocked, and took some time to grasp that not only was I there, with her after 24 years, but that Suze was there as well, and it didn’t take long for her to put it all together. Later that day I took the two of them out to dinner, though I think Suze and I were suffering from the time zone.
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